I have always believed in the fact that one does not make friends but recognizes them. The question that I have now is "what you do when you stop recognizing them?"
With time you change and so does the friend. There comes a moment when you realize while you had set out as friends, today you don't know each other , as much as you did earlier. What was common , what you liked, had shared has manifested in a new form that you maybe don't like, don't subscribe too or are not interested in any more.
Though the friendship is there, it is now more about the past and has little for the future just because in the new order both of you have changed. It is at this point the dilemma sets in as to what do you do? There are some options :
- You can let things be as they are, let time decide the course and you can flow with the tide
- You decide to talk about it with your friend and see what is the outcome or result, if there is any
- You make efforts to understand the other person, changes that have taken place, focus on things that have been important in the relationship and build on them
Most of us do nothing much and first option becomes the default option. We just flow with the tide and keep it alive in our memories where we think of moments of happiness and fun or hold on to a grudge and re-live it whenever we think of these friends.
Option to talk with a friend is a difficult one as there is very little or no control on the outcome. Most of us are also afraid to bring the issue on the table as we too have changed and not always for the better. Also at some point most of us realize our own failings that have also lead us to this point and we avoid acknowledgement of the same and the conflict it can give rise to. While this should be a preferred option because discussion could help you decide the future of the relationship it not always is the chosen option. I say this because a lot of times even when friends talk and feel its time to end and move on , they just keep it inconclusive and hope it will reach its end.This is most of the times painful and gradually leads to feeling of hurt and betrayal in one or both parties. Even if they realize they can rebuilt it one waits for the other person to say it or take the initiative. Call it ego or whatever but while the intent maybe to rebuild, it does not happen.
Last option to understand changes and focus on things that can take the relationship forward is ideal and thus the most difficult. This could also be the reason that if each one of us looks in our lives there are very few relationships which sustain change and time.
As you look back on the years gone by , its time to look at friends of now and also those long gone. Sit back, think, there may be some friends who you have let go because of waiting for them to call you, mail you, for something that was important then but today may not even be relevant or be inconsequential. If the memory of the moments spent together brings smile to your face , makes you feel good.
Its time to put that ego in the box, let go of things you have held on to for so long and its time to connect again . Its time to stand up and say I value you, thank you for all that you do and lets build on it together. Lets be friends!!!
